seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
