The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
