Kiss
Puke
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
