im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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