Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
