so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
