this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
