It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
