so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
