i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
