How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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