so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
