And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
