i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
