I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
