why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
