I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
