you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
