You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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