I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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