So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
