Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
