I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
how does that bad decision feel?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
