Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
