Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
