Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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