3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
