You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
