My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
