Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
