i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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