I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
