if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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