Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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