The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
