"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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