I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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