I'm so fucking centered right now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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