My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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