the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
