and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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