Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
