They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
