hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
