i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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