Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
