do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
