if you like me you must not know who I am
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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