she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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