A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
