I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
