my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
