My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Drunk is not a location!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
