After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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