last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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