you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
