Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
