I just cut my nipple shaving
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
