She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
