what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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