My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
