You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
