i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
